Myself as another

Katrin Ahlgren

All these years of reflections
about my language learning and use
the struggle to fit in
and the abuse…

It has been a support
it has been a mirror 
held up to observe  
my invisible transformation

And it is interesting 
to have these moments 
when you look back 
the rear-view mirror
on a time that has gone

It is not an analysis or so
but a way to rethink and reason 
about life 
about yourself 
and your languages

It is also quite pleasant 
to revisit
your old emotions 
and compare them with now
how I live this in-betweenness    

I am the same person
and yet another

The Science

This poem is based on a longitudinal ethnographic study exploring the biographical trajectories of foreign-born adults who came to Sweden from different parts of the world at the beginning of the 21st century. It conveys the reflections of one of the participants who relates to the repeated conversations with the researcher - held over 20 years - about the lived experience of language. The participant reasons on the ongoing creation of self through language, seen as an ‘invisible transformation’. In this project, a poetic representation practice has been developed to disseminate the oral narratives emerging from research conversations. This practice is inspired by the Vietnamese critical theorist, filmmaker, and poet Trinh T. Minh-ha, who asserts that she does not aim to speak for or about the people she portrays, but rather nearby. Consequently, the resultant poetic texts that emerge in the project are intended to be seen as new versions of the original narratives, reconstructed by the researcher, and written close to the voices of the research subjects. This practice of ‘writing nearby’ is supported by a hermeneutical framework based on the French philosopher Paul Ricœur’s reflections on narration and the creation of self in his book Oneself as Another.

The representation practice and the research project are explained in: Ahlgren, K. (2021) Poetic representation: a process of writing nearby. The poem Myself as another has been inspired by this practice, but it relates considerably more freely to the subject’s narrative account than is suggested in the article.

The Poet

Katrin Ahlgren is a Swedish interdisciplinary researcher (based in Stockholm, Madrid and Paris) focusing on the lived experience of language and social justice in contexts of exile. She also works as a translator of dramatic texts and has contributed to performances at the Swedish Royal Dramatical Theatre and La Comédie Française. Building on this performative work, she has developed a poetic representation practice to disseminate oral research narratives. In recognition of this practice, she has been awarded the Bernadotte Scholarship by the Swedish Academy. Currently, she is a research fellow at the Paris Institute of Advanced Study.

Next poem: Neural Cartography by Norazha Paiman